For Pete's sake Bernie, now you want funny?

So you want funny stories. I don't have many jokes that aren't archaic.
Okay I like this story, I have several, but I'll start with this one. It's short.
I had the opportunity to work with young children that were around seven or eight years old. We were discussing dreams. One little redhead piped in with her dream. She stated that her dream was somewhat frightening and that it was about aliens. My science fiction mind popped into action, and I explained to the child how her dream may have seemed frightening, but it was only a dream. I tried to reassure the child by explaining aliens were imaginary and usually part of movies or TV shows. She looked up at me earnestly with big blue eyes and argued, " No they are real! My daddy works with them all of the time!" I was taken back a bit before I remembered her father worked as a border patrol agent. Yes folks, context is everything.
When I want to smile I just remember this story. It has to do with size and gender.
I was leaving my place when I saw a very tall, very structurally sound CHP officer ticketing my neighbor's car for towing. I asked him why, and he very gruffly explained that we had to park horizontal to the curb. We had assumed since the road recessed into our property we could park as we pleased on private property. He assured me that the indent was indeed part of the city street. I tried to further defend my neighbor by explaining that he was a police officer for the city. He responded by churlishly explaining that my neighbor the officer was especially without excuse. So I offered to go get the neighbor. The hulking officer shrugged his response. The neighbor went out to his offending car and heatedly discussed the situation with no positive results. He made a purposeful commentary on the attitude of the CHP to me as he went back into his home for some paper work. I returned to the street and looked up at the imposing man and realized that he had a smear of lipstick on his cheek. I told him so. He shrank and demanded, "No there is not!" He completely fell apart and denied the existence of the smear even as he reached up to rub it off. Funny, he knew right where it was. He ran to his car and looked in the side mirror. He rubbed the spot even more aggressively. He stood back up to his full stature and smiled like a twelve year old and said. "There better not be!" He then yanked open his car door, jumped in and sped off without leaving the ticket. I stood astonished as my neighbor returned. We shrugged and went about our routine. Later I learned that it was against procedure to have something such as peach lipstick on your face while in uniform. Wow, must be some heavy penalty to make a hugely full grown man shrink and run from a four foot eleven inch woman. Mean little woman.
Bye for now.